Hebrew Catholics discuss whether Eucharist falls under the prohibition of meat during nine days

Messianic Jewish leaders within the Catholic church met Thursday to determine the proper status of the Host when celebrating the Eucharist during the first nine days of the month of Av. As an expression of mourning for the destruction of the Temple, Jews refrain from eating meat or drinking wine for the first nine days […]

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New Messianic-Seal-K symbol certifies foods as “Biblically kosher”

WEST HAVEN, CT. — Due to overwhelming demand, a new Messianic kosher supervision agency has been formed to certify foods as “Biblically kosher.” The agency’s symbol, Messianic-Seal-K, assures the consumer that food meets Biblical (not Rabbinic) standards. Additional letters provide more information to consumers. Dairy products will be labeled with a D, meat products with […]

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Messianic man conducts thorough kashrut inspection of Applebee’s before ordering cheeseburger

GOLDEN VALLEY, MN. — Local Messianic man Morris Ian asked his server at Applebee’s hard-hitting kashrut questions before placing his order Thursday. According to reports, Ian asked the restaurant worker, “Do your hamburger buns have L-cysteine?” noting that it can be made with human hair, which if you think about it, is technically cannibalism. “I […]

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Messianic food truck opens, contains row of slow cookers plugged into power strip

SAN FRANCISCO, CA. — The world’s first Messianic Jewish food truck opened Wednesday. According to the owners, this food truck offers the best in Messianic Jewish fare: basically a bunch of random dishes in crock pots. While the food is not kosher-certified by the local vaad, owner Stu Laidel insists that all of the food […]

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Messianic leaders declare eating lab-grown meat to be unpardonable sin

BALTIMORE, MD — While certain mainstream rabbis have touted the potential for lab-grown meat, even “pork,” to be kosher, Messianic leaders across the globe have called it an “unpardonable sin.” “Yeshua said that blasphemy of the Ruach HaKodesh would not be forgiven,” explained Messianic Rabbi Gene Berger, representing a rare consensus across all the major Messianic […]

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