Messianic man discovers Nazirite vow does not give him super-human strength

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NORFOLK, VA. — Inspired by the sermon this past Shabbat, Messianic man Darren Braveley shaved his head and swore off all grape and alcohol products, only to find that the vow of the Nazarite does not necessarily result in extraordinary strength.

“I was feeling down all week, but then during prayer time one of the ladies who has a prophetic anointing came up to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and said ‘You are a warrior, a witness, and a watchman,'” Braveley said. “I was filled with courage in the Ruach so I rushed home.”

Following the procedure described by his Messianic rabbi, Braveley rummaged through his apartment collecting Raisin Bran, vanilla extract, and other forbidden products he could find and threw them in the dumpster. Then he shaved every inch of his body with a safety razor.

Filled with zeal, Braveley tied an Israeli flag around his neck like a cape and marched to the neighborhood Catholic school and attempted to tear the statues of the saints out of the ground with his bare hands.

After several minutes of failed attempts, Braveley collapsed from exhaustion. Luckily, some of his co-congregants were driving by, noticed him lying there, and picked him up. “Maybe you are a prayer warrior,” one of them suggested.

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