REPORT: Man at grocery store either FFOZ follower or just has one of those hats

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TOLEDO, OH. — According to local reports, a man shopping at the Fresh Market may be a First Fruits of Zion follower. Sources cannot confirm with certainty, but the man appears to be wearing one of those flat caps that you normally only see on elderly Europeans, even though he is an American in his mid-thirties. Eyewitnesses say that he also sports a full but trimmed beard, adding credibility to the suspicion that he may be in the FFOZ camp.

“I didn’t notice any tzitzits,” said local shopper Betty Evidd, “but after the Divine Invitation thing you just never know anymore. They might be tucked in. I tried to look in his cart and I didn’t see any pork or shellfish, so it’s a real possibility.”

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