Congregation beginning to suspect visitors in Biblical garb not actually two witnesses of Revelation

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SEATTLE, WA. — Members of Adat B’nai Maaminim are expressing doubts as to whether visitors to their services are biblical prophets as they claim. When the mysterious characters arrived Shabbat morning clad in biblical tunics and spouting King James English, it seemed reasonable to accept their claim to be the “two witnesses” spoken of in the book of Revelation.

Questions began to arise when one of them men, who identified himself as “Malkiyahu ben Ephraim,” received a phone call in the middle of a prophecy. Eyewitnesses say he answered the phone by saying, “Mom, I told you not to call me on Saturday morning,” and that the voice on the line clearly referred to him as “Carmen.”

It also raised suspicion when his partner “Enosh bar Eliyah” began aggressively promoting his multi-level essential oil business. Nonetheless, he still managed to score six new product orders and one recruitment, sources say.

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