Messianic Flat Earthers disperse around ice wall, synchronize ring of shofar blasts to herald Messiah

Messianic members of the Worldwide Association For FLat Earth (WAFFLE), announced a plan to surround the world with shofar blasts. Representatives from the group will send members in the various southerly directions until they reach the wall of ice around the edge of the Earth. “At that point we will be at the farthest possible […]

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Hebrew Catholics discuss whether Eucharist falls under the prohibition of meat during nine days

Messianic Jewish leaders within the Catholic church met Thursday to determine the proper status of the Host when celebrating the Eucharist during the first nine days of the month of Av. As an expression of mourning for the destruction of the Temple, Jews refrain from eating meat or drinking wine for the first nine days […]

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Lost gospel manuscripts discovered in Michael Rood’s beard

Michael Rood and Nehemia Gordon unveiled a spectacular discovery never seen in the history of Bible research, including Hebrew manuscripts of the Gospels — lost treasures plucked from the depths of Michael Rood’s thick, grayish-white beard. The age of these manuscripts is apparent from the paleo-Hebrew script, indicating that they come from even before the […]

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Messianic man hopes worship team sings “Roni, Roni” enough times for him to finish Amidah

TORONTO — While the worship team at Shir Olam Messianic congregation starts in on their fourth round of “Roni Roni Bat Tziyon,” observant Messianic man Shimon A. Essray is hoping he can complete the Amidah before an awkward silence occurs. Essray discreetly brought along his Artscroll Siddur in the hopes that he could complete the […]

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20-year-old Gentile barista is Messianic congregation’s leading halachic expert

When members of Congregation Derekh Ha’Emet have a question regarding a practical matter of Torah observance, they know just where to turn. Retail worker Phillip Growler, who is 20 years old, supplies comprehensive and authoritative answers based on his extensive research of the book To Be a Jew and the chabad.org website, which he has […]

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African American visitor quickly introduced to Messianic congregation’s only African American member

BEND, OR. — When Rufus Lee King, who is African American, showed up for the first time at Kehilat Shalom last Saturday, greeters quickly summoned Moe Adim, their longstanding African American member. “I have someone I’d like you to meet,” said greeter Diane Tomichu. After introducing King and Adim, Tomichu took a few awkward steps […]

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Archaeologists find head of ancient Samson action figure; other action figures sold separately

JERUSALEM — Archaeologists discovered the head of a 3000-year-old action figure depicting the biblical hero Samson. Archaeologists unearthed the figurine in 2017 during excavations at a site near the modern-day town of Metula. The modern name of the town derives from its ancient name Matt’el, where many ancient figures were manufactured. Israel Museum curator Cole Lector […]

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MJRC opens ordination to women, position of Conspiracy Nut still reserved for men

In a historic move, the MJRC began the rabbinic ordination of women last weekend. However, the MJRC clarified that its stance regarding the title of Conspiracy Nut, a prominent role within every Messianic congregation, remains unchanged. “We are not saying that women can’t hold conspiracy theories at all,” said MJRC spokesman Rabbi Dr. Lou Minatti. […]

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Miss Messianic contest scrapping hair doily portion from its pageant

The next edition of the Miss Messianic pageant will no longer feature a hair doily competition, the contest announced Tuesday. “We will no longer judge our candidates on their token signs of modesty,” said Laci Weaving, the chairwoman of the Miss Messianic board of directors. “This is huge.” The official Miss Messianic Twitter account tweeted […]

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